You lookin’ at me? Staring in Korea
Tuesday, December 29th, 2009Staring.
Ahh geez… It’s one of those days again. Look, no offense kind madam, but if you eyeball me one more time I’m going to start stabbing people. Thank you for not staring. It only took you five subway stops to lose interest in my remarkably hairy arm. Thanks. A word of advice? Perhaps next time you see someone with blue eyes you won’t look make that ‘throw up’ face. Deal? No? Fair enough.
** **** yourself.
What? You’ve never thought this before? It’s brutal, sure but try getting stared at 24/7. And to think, mine is a face that is a socially acceptable deviance of what a foreigner ‘can’ look like (so to say). But who am I kidding? I’m the poster boy for native English education. I can’t imagine what others are experiencing here. I know it’s not just me.
Where I’m from, it’s rude. I’m not saying that it doesn’t occur in the States but it’s not appropriate social behavior. Regardless of the reason for staring be it an interracial relationship, hyper-obesity, revealing clothing, special needs, a little person, etc - it’s just not a nice thing to do. Americans are taught at a young age to put their curiosity aside in order to allow the other person to be treated equal. While not universally obeyed, if any staring occurs, attempts are subtle and try to go unnoticed.
While likely not an isolated event in Korea, it is my understanding that those doing the staring are clueless to it’s offending powers. In Korea, some misunderstand it and take it as racist behavior. Looking at it from the racist angle, it’s quite uncomfortable and victimizes the person who receives the dagger-like stares. While I’m sure racism exists in some form on every continent, I would suggest to try not to get offended. No matter how tempting it may be to scream “왜 그렇게 보고있어?!?” I urge you to try looking at it from their perspective. It’s not out of blood-boiling hatred or radical nationalism. It’s out of pure curiosity. *most of the time.
*Okay, not all the time. Sure sometimes, it’s because a foreigner is talking too loud on the bus or subway. Hey even if you were speaking Korean you’d get stared at for the volume of your voice. Sometimes it’s because you’re showing too much skin. Not saying you should wear a turtle neck 24/7 but if your upper body’s exposed, eyeballs are drawn to the exposed area like a moth to a flame. Sometimes it’s because your clothes are different. Yep. In a world of shiny pants and pink couple shirts for all, your Abercrombie & Fitch clothes might look a little off.
Fair enough, but some of it also stems from ignorance and misinformation of other nationalities.
A common complaint (and one shared by myself) is the situation where razor-like stares are sent when a clearly non-Korean man (like myself) is seen with a Korean female (be it just a friend or significant other). It’s not anything new and not anything terribly shocking, either. However, at least a few times a week, it apparently deserves hardcore glaring from anyone curious or old enough on the subway. From a purely superficial skin-deep standpoint, I am in a common-looking international relationship. A white guy with a Korean woman is nothing new to write home about. One would think that people would have quit freaking out about that a hundred and fifty years ago.
Despite the uncomfortableness it may cause the receivers of such random fixed gazes, I submit that most Koreans are staring out of pure curiosity. Come on, one cannot make the claim that Korea is so homogeneous and expect an interracial relationship to be anything but a source for curiosity; especially for the older generation. I have the utmost confidence that Korea will soon find other things more interesting than an insignificant foreigner such as myself smiling at my significant other on the bus.
Solution? Things are-a changing. Slowly, but surely some foreigners get it, too Many have figured out that things aren’t the same as back home. However, it is fair to say that many Koreans with international experience have figured out that staring is rude to most westerners. In the meantime, if you find yourself the victim of eyeball glares and analytical squints, just relax and turn up the volume on your iPod. See no evil hear no evil.
Got your eye on some more? Well, more than just Koreans are doing the staring. Apparently, it’s an Asian thing. What if you’re just minding your own business with a friend of the opposite sex? Sadly, this happens even to platonic friends of opposite gender, too. In closing, in a wicked sense of comedy comes this little tidbit of information: even other Asians get stared at, too. Go figure.
Posted by Matthew in How Koreans Do It |
December 29th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Staring may not be “appropriate social behavior” in the U.S., but I’m in the U.S. and people stare at me ALL the time — and most of the staring is done by white people (I’m Korean-American).
I’m not saying that Koreans staring at white people in Korea is right or justified, but I’m surprised at the level of indignation that these white people display when they complain about it. It makes me wonder if they are oblivious to the fact that many people of color in Western countries put up with the same exact treatment Every. Single. Blessed. Day.
December 30th, 2009 at 12:51 am
I went to Spain and people were staring at me like they’ve never seen an asian person before. And it was pretty hardcore staring.
I don’t think it’s just Korea. I’ve experienced it in Europe. And the poster above has said s/he’s experienced it in USA as well.
December 30th, 2009 at 1:24 am
I would never claim that staring is a uniquely Korean act. No way. However, being in Korea, one does get stared at in a different way. There’s just no subtleness to it. I say this not only as a foreigner. Koreans stare at other Koreans, too. It’s funny to see those close to me give an icy stare to someone else in a restaurant. When prompted, they say “Oh, I was just curious” or “I was just wondering why that girl was wearing such an outfit” or the like.
So, just to clarify, the human race stares. But, Koreans are skilled in the art and have it down to a science. End exaggeration.
December 30th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Maybe I have no manners, but I stare at people intensely all the time if I find something about them interesting. Of course if we make eye contact, I’ll do the reflexive bouncing of my gaze down and back up, but then it’s right back to looking.
December 30th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
I was living in Japan for a while, in Nagoya, actually- exept of few times- never anyone stared me… even with my height (173 cm+some little heels), and my westerner (gaijin) face… only very old people and little babys -thats acceptable, I guess.
I will live in Korea from march, so, actually I am kinda prepared for that…
What I think, is, that we should be less strict in this topic… They stare, so, they stare, we are few, but they are at home… I think if someone choose to live in an other country than his/her home, should be aware of those kind of things… And… accept it.
So… everyone, cheer up, and ignore, or smile… thats te best we can do, I guess^^^^^
January 1st, 2010 at 12:31 pm
Staring is never acceptable. The fact is that whether it’s done out of curiosity or hate -and many of the people staring in Korea do it simply to make sure the foreigner feels unwelcome in their country - it is rude and offensive. If you are curious about someone who looks or dresses differently, take a subtle glance. I understand that in Korea there isn’t much in the way of diversity, so when you see someone with a different hair colour or style, or someone with a different shaped face, it will naturally draw attention. But staring is ignorant. It is pathetic and it reflects badly on Koreans, who are famous for it. I don’t mind when someone looks at me, then catches himself and looks away. I understand. But when they stare and stare, and then shout “foreigner” to their friends, and began a loud conversation - “foreigner foreigner foreigner” - that draws more stares… That is the hallmark of a truly primitive person, someone who needs education in the fundamentals of being a human being.
And kudos to the assholes who say, “Yeah, but in other countries…” That means you’re no better than the bigots abroad. Raise the standards and improve yourself so people will think better of Korea.
January 2nd, 2010 at 4:08 am
During my first year to Spain 1975 for a study abroad program I was met with subway staring that equaled a visual undressing! At least that is what I called it.
Since then I have returned and lived in Spain. I continue to visit yearly. I still find it a bit uncomfortable but definitely more tolerable. At times the staring even goes unnoticed!
In compensation for this social behavior, I happily enjoy and willingly return the standard greeting “Buenos dias” , so universal, during any and every day upon entering any store, bar, cafeteria, bank etc.
Take heart, the curiosity is harmless. Consider what my Spanish sister-in-law said to her younger sisters (including my wife) each time one of them complainted about being stared at….even in their own hometown; ” They stare because we are so good looking!”
Take it as a compliment and your ego will do quite well with that philosophy!
January 2nd, 2010 at 10:31 pm
I’m from the USA. People stare at me all the time. I’m female and white. I don’t care, I have other things to pay attention to. I’m busy. Let them look. If they stare at me in Korea (because of any reason), they are too be ignored. I don’t care. I have many other things to do that notice that. If it does bother me, I simply smile and ask them if I can help them with anything. That’s usually followed by either them moving away or a compliment on my hair (which is red and down to my knees). But don’t assume people are staring for a negative reason. Maybe they never saw what they are seeing and it’s only natural for humans to stare at something ‘alien’ to them. No pun intended. Maybe they think you’re beautiful. Assume the positive is so and go ahead and live a happy life. Life is short. Negativity is only a wast of time. Trust me.
January 3rd, 2010 at 1:26 pm
Dude, just go ahead and say it — girlfriend. Significant other is so politically correct, and we’re talking about people staring and possible racism. My black friends prefer me to call them Black, so let’s just get on with it. Girlfriend/Boyfriend, we get it, lol.
Anyway, being half Pinay has given me lots of trouble in south-eastern US. People think I’m Mexican, Chinese, or Hawaiian. The smart ones know I’m part Asian but not sure what kind. The rest just ask “What are you?” “Human, duh.” People would stair my mom down because they’d see my dad holding some tan looking child and think, “Oh she’s mexican.” And what of it? Who cares? Apparently they think skin pigmentation really makes a big deal. Turn the lights off, then who’s got color?
From what I know as being from both worlds is that Asians are very blunt. My Mom’s called some things I do weird, and while at first it seemed offensive, I realized she just didn’t know what word to use to express herself. If I do something wrong, I’m definitely told.
Depending on the country, some will just say outright what they’re thinking. Example? Anti-fans. Have you heard some of the things Korean anti-fans have done? Bags of blood and a knifed photo sent to one guy, glue in a water bottle to another, and poisoned cake. They need to stop before giving American anti-fans ideas. I thought paparazzi was bad.
By the way, censored cussing, really? A bit… unimaginative, don’t you think? Cussing is society’s verbal refuse. Censored cussing is basically “I want to cuss but mummy will ground me.” A bit junior high, if you ask me. I know it’s a blog, but really….
January 4th, 2010 at 6:48 am
Blah
More respect to Mexican people! I’m Mexican and people think I’m from Europe or any other country in the world except Mexico. This happens because I’m white and have black hair and brown eyes. I really don’t care if they stare at me or not before I used to pay more attention, now it doesn’t matter anymore it just makes you suffer and you’ll never pleased anyone so do whatever you are and feel, be yourself.
S_R_C
January 6th, 2010 at 12:05 am
Hey! In that picture is that (cant remeber the name) from language cast!? Is that an actual person staring at you, or (cant remeber the name) posing?
thanks!
January 6th, 2010 at 7:59 am
@steven - check the bottom of the post to find the photo credits and you will see it is of none other than the always entertaining 안효진 from LanguageCast fame. The photo was taken by 선현우 and it is not a posing but rather a natural shot he snapped on his own. It looked perfect for the article, so I wanted to include it with his permission.
January 6th, 2010 at 11:27 pm
So i noticed that one other mixed race person (blah…shout out to you dude. i like your honesty.) has already commented on this thread. i gotta admit, i hear this complaint about Korean culture a lot…almost always from people who have grown up in their native culture, i.e., white people from the U.S. (that just seems to be the most obvious foreign presence in Korea right now. i’ve heard the same complaints from saudi, russian, kenyan, etc. friends studying here.)
For me, and most other multi-racial people I know, the staring doesn’t seem like an especially Korean characteristic because we get it everywhere, simply because we don’t fit in anywhere. I get about the same amount of curious (and less than subtle) stares and questions riding the subway in Seoul as I do commuting on the metra in Chicago. And I’m not trying to make a sob-story case for all the hapas out there, just trying to point out that maybe staring is not a uniquely Korean trait, it’s just that for a lot of people Korea is the first place they experience it - the first place they’re really and truly setting themselves outside their home turf.
And hey, I’ve always found the stares slightly more excusable in Korea - where heterogeneity is a fairly recent development - than in my native U.S., the alleged melting pot, where hypothetically the national attitude would be a little less fixated on pinning down exactly “what are you”…the perennial question everyone who doesn’t fit into a cookiecutter racial mold gets daily.
January 12th, 2010 at 11:33 pm
=) Staring happens to ANY kind of foreigner….and to add to that, even if you’ve lived somewhere else for a while and went back to your own country people stare…it’s like they know you don’t fully fit in judging by your body language or clothes or something. They sense it…
Anyways, it’s not such a big deal, seriously get over it (think about it differently). Most of the times in such cases it is pure curiosity and there’s nothing wrong with that. Foreigners are usually considered beautiful and exotic. Even I stare sometimes mostly to try to figure out where the person is from just for fun.
Americans make too much of a big deal out of it, staying true to too many social rules about “normal” behavior which just make you stress over life more. No racism intended, really. I spent most of my adult life in the US
and just to clarify, I’m not Asian either, I’m Bulgarian and I got stared at both in the US and in Bulgaria 
So what, people stare big deal, don’t be so insecure
be happy that you are interesting to them. What you make of the stares is your own doing.
January 19th, 2010 at 1:03 am
Taking pictures of people without asking their permission is rude. Forgetting you’re the visitor in someone’s “home” is rude.
Funny how some visitors think they make the rules everywhere they go. Get with the program dude. You’re the one in the wrong.
January 27th, 2010 at 9:50 pm
i’ve gotten stared at a lot in my life…
I was very young when we were in Korea and well they were so amazed at my eyelashes that would come and touch them and be like aww..ur so pretty and stuff XD
i’m curious to see how it would turn out this time ^^
February 6th, 2010 at 9:30 pm
Curiosity is universal. If you have a problem with people looking at you, you have a problem with yourself…
When in another country a foreigner must understand that the people around him have a different culture and ways of thinking. Isn’t that one of the reasons we like to visit other countries? To see new places and people?
We are the ones who must adapt to them, not the opposite. Yes, there are some people who are rude rather than curious. This exists everywhere. But what matters the most is our attitude these situations. Others watch and judge us, and so do we watch and judge others.
To them, you are entertainment. The best thing to do is relax and not pay so much attention. Let them be curious and enjoy the show. It’s not as if you are going to spend the rest of your life with the people who stared at you on the bus…
March 1st, 2010 at 2:49 pm
Interesting browsing through these comments…
As a foreigner in Korea, I find that I’m often ignored. Maybe it’s because I have dark hair and brown eyes, and therefore don’t classify as “extreme foreigner.”
However, I have a friend who’s lived in Korea for three years, who has experienced the opposite. She’s a beautiful, striking black woman. She also stopped taking the subway whenever she could manage not to. Why? Because people would gawk at her, whip out their cellphone cameras, and wordlessly take a picture. For some reason, people on the bus didn’t do that.
Despite all that, she has enjoyed living in Korea. But, there were some days, she said…