Fear and bathrooms in Korea
Tuesday, October 27th, 2009Korean bathrooms.
This is clearly one of the first things I should have written about. Korean bathrooms can be summed up in one word: surprising. It’s always a experience with every new bathroom I visit.
Let’s get right into the messy goodness that is Korean restrooms. Allow me to break this post into a few helpful points of interest:
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- Slippers -
Walking into all private and a few public bathrooms, one will undoubtedly notice the pair of clear plastic slippers greeting you upon entry. The curious foreigner might imagine that these were carelessly left by a forgetful family member or perhaps used when the bathroom floods. No, kind sir, these shoes are for you…and everyone else. That’s right. In a country full of germophobes, you’ll be basking in the sweet sweet foot juice of all that came before you. You too, will leave your own unique brand of foot sweat for the next guy to absorb as he thinks about bleaching his feet.
- One Big Shower -
Not so much public bathrooms but almost all private bathrooms are essentially one big shower room. Everything liquid makes its way to the drain in the middle. Take the shower nozzle and go to town if you want. This excessive wetness also helps to explain you’re wearing some stranger’s slippers.
- Smoking in the bathroom -
How old are we? Why do I even smell cigarette smoke? What decade is this? When did smoking in the bathroom become cool again? The goofy part about walking into a bathroom that smells like the Marlboro Man is that not only is it a nasty habit with smelly consequences, but it’s done in an already consequentially smelly place. Quite possibly the smelliest place we all know and use. There’s now two grossly different but equally gross stenches competing for your nasal attention. So, why not just go outside to smoke? If a grown man is either too embarrassed or too lazy to smoke outside, then he shouldn’t be smoking the the first place. But then again, no one should be smoking in the first place.
- Ashtrays -
Which brings me to this lovely contradiction. If I’m at a urinal and I look to my left only to see an ashtray, what does that lead me to think (other than I should have just been looking straight ahead like a real man)? It makes me think that smoking in the bathroom is okay despite the “No Smoking” sign posted directly above it. Why Korea. Why.
- Soap -
This is either completely missing or comes in a very strange form. What ever happened to good old fashioned liquid hand soap purchased in bulk and dispensed by a cube-shaped dispenser attached to the mirror? I like my soap liquid. I like not having to share a communal bar of soap with the rest of Seoul. I like washing my hands without wondering if I need to get an STD test afterwards. An orgy of germs await my fragile fingers every time I slide my hands across the permanently-fixed egg-shaped communal soap on-a-stick. Mister Blue-Soap-Stuck-On-The-Mirror, you’re gross. You’re almost as gross as the Bar-Magnet-Soap that sticks to another magnet.
- Paper Towels -
Why in all that is holy does Korea not stock bathrooms with paper towels? Why even tease me with the dispenser only to leave it empty? Paper towels dry my hands. That’s what they are there for. If I don’t see paper towels, I wonder how else is everyone drying their hands? Then I realize that they aren’t. Ah, but perhaps I’m being too hasty in my hygienical judgments. Yes, we must be getting more green. Less paper, less waste, more happy earth. I’m all for that. So, I turn my attention to the machine on the wall, place my hands underneath, wait for the warm goodness to flow across my drizzled hands…
- Hand Dryers -
…only to find that it blows. Not literally. More like it sucks. Also not literally. These weak-ass hand dryers do the equivalent of a creepy old man’s constant stream of mouth breath. It’s just unpleasant and not needed. What’s the point in washing my hands only to discover a gentle summer’s breeze attempting to remove all moisture? Like drying clothes outside on a summer’s day, the breeze takes a good three hours to work it’s magic. You bring that noise up in my house? All talk and no walk. You call yourself a hand dryer? Please.
- Toilet Paper -
Why. Why. Why is toilet paper located outside of the stall? Just… why? Moving on.
- Squat Toilets -
These just seem outdated. Why does Korea still use some squat toilets? I mean, America had outhouses for the longest time and other than Schrute Farms, we got over it. We moved on and embraced the modern toilet for being a fanny-centered innovation. Korea’s affair with squatters is like a drug. Korea is addicted to installing new squat toilets next to standard toilets. It’s a problem. I just feel Korea needs a nice, long intervention. “Korea, I know you think you need these worthless squat toilets, but you don’t. Just sit on the throne like a man. You can do it. I’ll help you” Do your part and just say ‘no’ to squat toilets. If you or someone you know is using a squat toilet, please call this number.
- Bidet -
Then there’s the total opposite. In a country with questionable plumbing choices and mountain man-like restroom accommodations, we find public and private bidet. In what seems like overkill, these public bidet are a fresh option to choose when available. But why not just even the playing field by getting rid of all squats and installing good ol fashion crappers instead? Bidet? We don’t need no stinkin bidet. My heiney was feeling just fine until you came along and made it think it needs something better. A bigger better slice, indeed, Mr. bidet. I’ll admit it. Your freshening tactics are no match for my tried and true Crapper. But don’t get cocky. When you’re not around, I don’t miss you. However, given the chance to experience your cleansing power, I’d let you do your dirty work on my posterior any day of the week. Twice on Sunday. You’ve convinced me. I’m a believer. I’m a bidet-er.
- Visibility -
In a world full of creepy stalking guys and misplaced trust in strangers, we have the partially visible bathroom. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, for your viewing pleasure we have bathrooms that have no visibility blocking wall, no door, and/or easy viewing access. Go about your daily deed in full view of any passerby. I assume this public bathroom design stems from a trusting perspective and I suppose for the most part in America too, no one goes into the opposite gender bathroom. Especially a girl’s bathroom. That’s where cooties come from. However, in public places in Korea, there’s no shortage of people able to see you standing up doing your business. May I suggest any people walking by who catch a glance to take it like the sun - don’t look directly at it. It will only burn your eyes.
- Female Janitors -
So there I am. I’m doing my thing. I then go to wash my hands. One day I look up out of boredom and to see this nice little place card on one of those weak-sauce hand dryers. It states the name of the sanitation worker assigned to that particular bathroom. It even includes a friendly photo. How nice. Not so nice when I’m shaking the dew off the lily to find her two feet away from me. What is this world coming to when an insecure man can’t take care of number one without a woman standing next to him? At that moment it occurred to me…I really wanna wash my hands and forget this ever happened.
- Opposite Gender Use -
Then there’s the icing on the already malformed cake. At some restaurants, only one toilet exists and it is used by men and women. I did what I had to do three feet from a women doing the same thing. This wasn’t a cool hangout unisex bathroom like in Ally McBeal. It. Was. Freaking. Weird.
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And to think I didn’t even mention the whole wastebasket next to the toilet thing. You know, the one that no one seems to know exactly why it’s there or why we even still need it?
So in conclusion, I am always surprised by Korean bathrooms. Proof:
I recognize that it’s all a matter of perspective. I also realize that I’m a big boy and that none of it really bothers me. I’ve even had some nice sanitational encounters here. I once used a hand dryer that not only dried my hands by its jet-engine-like ferocity, it also used UV light to gently kill some unwanted germs on my hands. Not like that dirty little blue soap-on-a-stick.
Thoughts?
Posted by Matthew in How Koreans Do It |
October 27th, 2009 at 7:22 am
Awesome post, Matthew! I literally laughed out loud because I understand all too well everything you are talking about.
Of all the new and exciting things I encountered on my trip to Korea, the most hilarious stories revolve around some bathroom incident. I mean, really, someone should have told me to do hella squats in the gym before I attempted to use a Korean bathroom. Squat toilets are NOT a girl’s friend. Between weak thigh muscles and a lack of balance, I found myself in an awful situation that no one could really help me with. Not even the man that was using the toilet right next to me!!
Your post took me back, and whenever I need a laugh, I will remember Mr. Blue Soap!!
October 27th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
As for the Mr.Blue Soap. people think it makes bathroom clear as this blue soap always stay dry. and people dont use blue soap as much as when they use a liquid soap so people think that using a bar magnet soap is a good way to save the money and earth.
October 27th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Wow some of that really does hurt your stomach!!
but i wouldn’t talk i’ve been through the whole soap
thing and worse…….
October 28th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Toilet paper clogs up the toilet alot of times in Korea for some reason. Hence the trash cans with crap infested used toilet paper. Seems like Korea has smaller pipes than it can handle. xD
October 31st, 2009 at 5:42 am
Very funny. And informing-great hyperlinks, too. I know this is mostly tongue and cheek, but: The squatters are putting themselves in a more natural position to evacuate. The traditional seated toilet we’re accustomed to in the US is simply another example of us trying to rid ourselves of our ‘animalness’. These seated toilets do not allow one to evacuate completely enough therefore leaving lots of gunk in there. This contributes to many health problems that are more common in the US than in countries where the squatter is more common. The diseases are many…research it, if you wanta.
October 31st, 2009 at 10:28 am
“More like it sucks. Also not literally. These weak-ass hand dryers do the equivalent of a creepy old man’s constant stream of mouth breath.”
This made me laugh, though
Your blogs are so funny and entertaining while still educating and raising awareness at the same time.
October 31st, 2009 at 12:14 pm
I’m with you, Matthew. As much as certain “trend-pushers” would have us believe that unisex restrooms are what all the trendy, cool, mature people want to use, they’re just weird.
Also weird are those small men’s washrooms with a sink, a urinal, and a toilet. I understand the reasoning: it gives the man an option, and if all he has to do is #1, he’ll use the urinal, which is much quicker and pleasant to use for the man, and easier for the staff to clean. Still, I have visions of some socially maladjusted man coming in while I’m using the urinal, sitting down on the toilet, and starting to do his business while I’m standing there, frantically trying to hurry my process so I can escape ASAP.
the Roy: hmm, that’s interesting. I’ve also heard that squat toilets are more sanitary, since there’s actually no bodily contact at all with the toilet. They’re also much easier to clean, of course. With that said, I still have trouble getting over the “ew” factor, not to mention that it can be hard on the legs. Yes, I realize that our migration to the “throne” style of toilet is further proof of the human aspiration to escape our innate animal natures. But still, I will keep my throne, thank you very much. And when I was in Japan, I got to use a bidet style toilet in my hotel room, and it was nice. But, I don’t really miss it. I’m fine with the toilet I have. Really.
Thank you for the entertaining post, Matthew. I’m not one for bathroom humour, but it was actually fun to read. And would you look at the time, it’s almost 12:30: time for lunch! Yummy… I think I may put off eating for just a little while, though…
October 31st, 2009 at 1:53 pm
@all - thanks for smiling. I had a lot of fun writing this post.
@ the Roy - the idea of bring more sanitary makes sense but it also brings up the point of sensibility. it would be more sanitary if we never shook hands or gave each other a high five, but we still do it. for that matter, wearing a face mask when sick is acceptable despite the fact that is looks like something out of either mortal kombat or 28 days later.
I do believe I’m inspired to write about it. thank you, the Roy.
@ Daniel - a pain I know all too well. good luck on your next encounter with a crowded bathroom. I recently found one that was literally a closet.
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:40 am
[…] Everything you need to know about using the bathroom in Korea. […]
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Their is a very good reason you should not flush toilet paper down the toilet in Korea; It clogs the irrigation system sprinklers at the produce farms.
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:16 am
Although I think of Korea as being a place where things are changing very quickly, it appears that some things have remained the same in the seven years since I left Seoul. The observation that most resonated with me was that regarding cigarettes. I was working in what many would consider to be near the top of the list in high-rent places to work in Korea, yet could hardly stand to use the office bathrooms because I would spend the rest of the day with my suit smelling of cigarette smoke. Unfortunately, I do not think I endeared myself to anyone when I would go up to Koreans puffing away under “No Smoking” signs and ask in my politest Korean if they could explain the meaning of the Chinese characters 禁 and 煙 that were posted just above their heads.
November 7th, 2009 at 3:49 am
hahaha…great post indeed!! I had the chance to go back to korea in 2004..was not there since adopted around 1979 when I was around 7yrs old. As I read your post..my minf went back to 2004 and all the thoughts we had then..very fun post especially since we shared same thoughts..even then!
November 13th, 2009 at 3:44 am
Well, the upside is that you can train your dog to go pee in the shower (which is actually just part of the washroom) so you don’t have to worry about taking Fido out for a walk every 5 hours.
November 19th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Heads up for the Roy.
Squatting toilets are not only more natural, it’s a lot more sanitary to avoid contact between toilet users and the seat. And no, Matthew, it’s not comparable to shaking hands or wearing a mask you don’t share with anyone.
Great post anyway. I see a lot of commonalities with Japan.
December 12th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
Sorry, the Roy, not convinced. I don’t understand how seated toilets lead to less pooping and “contributes to many health problems that are more common in the US than in countries where the squatter is more common”. Korea still has a high rate of all forms of gastric cancer and I’m sticking my neck out there and saying it has a higher rate than COUNTRIES (not just the US) with “normal” toilets.
Some have linked the spicy food to stomach cancer but Japan also has a high rate of stomach cancer and Japanese food is not spicy - unless you dump tons of wasabi into everything you eat.
And there is no guarantee that a squatter will wash their hands before shaking mine…
March 25th, 2010 at 10:52 pm
[…] Apparently all of these things are fairly common in other parts of the world. But since I’d never left my corner of the world, I didn’t know and found it an interesting cultural difference. If you’re interested in reading more about the types of toilets you’ll find in Korean, the blog over at KoreanClass101.com has a great entry on it. You’ll find it here. […]
September 18th, 2010 at 8:26 pm
There is really a cultural difference only… But this is so beautiful..
October 12th, 2010 at 11:48 pm
hahah.. I am with you,Matthew
but Your blogs are so funny and interesting while still educating and raising awareness at the same time. 
great post about Bathrooms