and 안녕하세요 right back at you, jerk (greetings, introductions, saying hello in Korea)
Tuesday, August 4th, 2009Saying hello.
Okay okay, everyone knows it by now. I’m about as country as they come. I open doors for women, I tip my hat to old people, and I say “howdy” to everyone I meet. Laugh it up and move on, city boy.
Where I come from, saying “hello” to everyone is considered normal, if not polite. If I’m in line at the grocery store and I see my friend and his family, it’s normal for him to say hello to me and then perhaps introduce my relationship to his family. “Hey Matthew. Good to see you. Dad, you remember Matthew? We went to junior high together. Don’t you remember? He was the one who cried in his sleep…you remember taking him back home during that sleepover in sixth grade? The one who was apologizing the whole way home?” Yeah. You know, totally normal stuff.
But why do we do greet each other so frequently? Granted it’s not everyone. It’s not happening in every city in the country but the act of introducing oneself when approached by a friend who is in the company of other friends is very common. I’m not sure even if we think about it. It just happens. I walk up, I say what’s up to my buddy and he tells me who his friends are. We shake hands or just say “what’s up” and we’re done.
But really? Why do we do that? As Americans, why do we say hello to people that we don’t know? We’re probably not going to see them again. Even the checkout counter people at Target ask us how we’re doing today. Like, why? Would it matter if I’m having a horrible day? Isn’t my “bad day” money just as welcome? What if we just stopped saying “hello” to random people? Imagine the marketing fallout…
If we were to follow this “not saying hello” thing, we’d be right at home in Korea. It’s not that people don’t say 안녕하세요 to each other but the context is a bit different. One doesn’t have to say hello to random people if the situation merits no conversation. If you sit down in a restaurant, you don’t have to say hello to the server. Quit being such a noob and just order. Doing otherwise at every single establishment would get tiring after a while, wouldn’t it? So try a little something different. When in Rome…
As we have looked at before, being introduced to another person in Korea can be a big deal. Introductions to a new person opens up a new web of social networking and it potentially requires more attention and work on your end. Another person, another responsibility. Sounds like a bit much just for running into someone at the store, doesn’t it? Therefore, stay out of it. Allow me to demonstrate.
Scenario: “A” knows “B” and sees “B” at the store with “C” whom “A” does not recognize. “A” says hello and “B” breaks away from the conversation with “C” to talk to “A” briefly. “C” stands there like an idiot. “B” doesn’t introduce “C” to “A” and eventually says goodbye to “A” and goes back to the conversation with “C”. “C” cries himself to sleep.
Obviously “C” is a overly sensitive foreigner who needs to grow a pair but you get the idea. But, even some foreigners are getting used to this lack of casual introductions, much to other foreigners’ dismay, of course. Again, I present the side that most foreigners are not acutely aware that they even naturally want to be introduced or self-introduce whenever possible. I will simply say that some foreigners are more pre-disposed to do this but certainly not foreigners are happy balls of social friendliness dying to talk to any and all people he/she meets at the supermarket. To make such a blanket statement does not apply.
In conclusion, it’s not that Korean people are more rude than other group of people (although some still question this) it’s just that Korean cultural expectations are different. That’s all. I personally believe that Koreans can be among the most generous and friendly people on the planet……that is, second only to Texans, of course.
So, I ask this. Do you find Korean people more willing to say hello in the country versus the city? Do you see no real difference between saying “hello” and saying “안녕하세요”? Have you experienced the whole “not-being-introduced” thing, too?
Thoughts?
Posted by Matthew in How Koreans Do It |
August 4th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Hmm, you know, this is quite interesting. It’s also funny, though, because being Korean but not having been brought up in Korea, I’m still much more inclined to simply NOT say anything to anyone unless I know them etc, whereas my (very caucasian) husband is more like you: he’ll say hi to people in the supermarket, regardless of whether or not he knows them.
That being said, though, when we were living in a “Korea town” in Sydney, I found that Korean people would say hello to me, SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY ASSUMED I WAS KOREAN. At the time, this actually pissed me off. I didn’t really like that everything was based on racial background and such. But they wouldn’t be so friendly if I was with my husband, which I found extremely irritating.
I dunno… I guess it’s just funny, the differences that cultural, racial and social backgrounds can have on situations and the way/s we interact with others.
August 4th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
i have to say hi or any different greeting that belongs to your lge even if i’ve no ideas about your background.innit! in my point of view with respects to yours “greetings in our social life are the basis of coorporation between members of society”it’s just a matter of being polite for being respected.when say hey or how’s life or salut,marhaba,hola,annonghaseyo to a foreigner in street or store,university,hospital,park,bank; am sure that you’re not gonna loose anything atall except having an owesome reputation in your surround.despite the fact that am not korean but i found that the korean nation is fabulous in matters of greetings.you korean guys are marvellous.komapsumnida
August 5th, 2009 at 12:27 am
I know exactly what you’re talking about.
It’s not rude, it’s just group centered-mentality. On inner circle. Whatever you want to call it…
Since C is out of the group, it’s expected that he doesn’t have to be included in the conversation. C doesn’t even have to be introduced or acknowledged!
Where as in 윤선’s case, in that situation, you are automatically included in the group because you’re in a foreign country.
It’s all so confusing…. but so real!
August 5th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Wow thanks for a breath of free air. I was beginning to wonder if there was any left.
We Live in a small town. My wife and I and our two kids. Wife is Korean. I dared to bring her to this small town. Guess what, she has more friends than me and I have allot. The phone rings so much I wanna take an axe to it. Just kidding. Have lots of friends though, and the line at store thing applies.
The other day I was C, and didnt feel the conversation A & B were having was any of my business so started thinking of something else to do. Low and behold A said to B what does C think of this, so I put my two cents in but still dont remember if my answer was so much of what I really felt. It just didnt seem to matter. It was like A just wanted to include me. Wow, how rude can A person get? LOL
August 5th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Keith: Yeah, I guess I never really thought of it that way…
I think I made a blog post about a similar topic ages ago… because when we lived in our little “Korea town”, I had a run in with this old dude who kept asking me how old I was etc etc, and I was like “none of your business!”. I guess I forgot to think about the different expectations that come with cultural differences!
But Keith’s right: it’s strange that in a “foreign” country (or a country other than Korea), I’m just automatically a part of the group, whereas I think that if I went to Korea, people probably wouldn’t look at me twice!
August 6th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
thanks everyone for the comments~
@ Keith - well said!
August 6th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
[…] Matthew’s posts on the Korean Class 101 blog are always inspiring to me and always seem to give me random things that I can update this blog with. His last post was about certain mannerisms in Korean culture, and it made me think about a few things… Keith (one of KC101’s podcasters) reminded me in a comment on this post, that Korean people generally say hello to me, because in Australia, I’m automatically “accepted” into their cultural group because I am wholly Korean on the outside. Funnily enough, this is something I’ll never escape. […]
August 6th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
…can I just ask, who links my blog posts here? I really appreciate it, I just was wondering, though, who links them. ^_^
August 7th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
while I’d love to take credit, I believe they are automatically generated
August 10th, 2009 at 1:57 am
No wonder we learnt “How are you?” first, “A, this is B, B, this is A.” second, when we were at school.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Once I went my parents’ with my English friend and Australian friend.
mmm I forgot to introduce people like I would be introduced in England.
I told my sis on the phone I was with my two friends from other countries.
And forgot to introduce at the spot and didn’t introdce my family to them, either.
Doing this and that, talking about this and that,
I told them he is my brother-in-law, etc.
I remeber they looked a bit …lost(?) in translation…(?)
mmmm actually, no one could speak English much from my family.
And I was just behaving like they were my old friends who all my family knew and they knew my family, when actually they didn’t…
When I am with korean friends, mmm a new face…
we might get to know each other’s name and just say 안녕하세요. 반갑습니다.
most of the case I’m not the one who says first.
I’m more like the one who answers when asked.
I think I am not that consierate much in something like that,
although I don’t mean to be indifferent to new faces.
And honestly, first time a lady hugged me at our first seeing each other,
I was at a loss…mmmm.
Living in London 4 years couldn’t make me feel always comfortable with that hugging and kissing on the chick. Only when I felt someone is very close, it was okay. How many? I remember two. Is that mean I had only two true friends?
Sometimes, seemingly kind greeting sounds indifferent.
Sometimes, seemingly indifferent feels close and kind.
What in me makes feel the difference?
Maybe not the sounds or the mere action talks to us.
I wouldn’t get offenced and was’t when I was mistakenly considered as Japanese or Chinese by Japanese or Chinese or others as I didn’t feel like they tried to.
Living in London, Steve from Australia who I had crush on asked me if I came from America from my accent. Of course after a few words, he got to know I’m not an English natvie speaker, as starting speaking Konglish.
It just made me nervous.
Once in a supermarket,
I dropped a coin and an old lady picked up for me.
I said,”Thank you.” and she got upset.
Why?
She said, “American accent!”
What can I say?
I was a girl who looked very young, a bus driver charged me as CHILD, I kept the receipt somewhere.
I ws a young looking korean girl who was very often considered as Japanese or Chinese with bad English in American accent , living in London.
I loved London and love london.
Who do you live for?
August 12th, 2009 at 1:06 am
i went to a korean church for a year, and there were many people i saw every single week that i never met. not just random people either, but people that i had choir rehearsal with, people that my friends were friends with.. there would be times that i would go out to eat with friends, and there would be a person i didn’t know, but no one would introduce us.
i think it comes down to necessity - if you don’t have a reason to be introduced, you won’t be introduced. but if you have a reason to know someone, your friend will introduce you.
normally, i’m the kind of person who will talk to anyone, introduce myself to anyone, and wants to meet as many people as i can - i don’t think that’s a bad thing, i just consider myself outgoing, and i don’t like to see other people standing back and being left out of things. however, this just automatically changes when i’m in a korean setting - like it has become second nature, and it doesn’t even feel strange or awkward for me anymore.
August 13th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Hmm, I say hello as soon as I go into any restaurant or bar. When I pass shopkeepers, shoe repairmen, and 분식 stand operators on the street that I’ve done business with before, we greet each other with an 안녕하세요. Maybe it’s because I’m a foreigner (and look like one) that it’s like this, but I’ve also found that the 인사 is a very important thing in Korean culture. 인사 gets translated as “a greeting” in English, but I get the sense there’s more attached to it than the simple meaning we attach to “a greeting” in English.
August 20th, 2009 at 4:45 am
woo texans! ima texan to, and i say hello and thankyou to everyone, especially when in a restaurant. i use to work at one and when having a bad day, that one thank you could really help, it shows that someone is grateful for what you have done, and is letting you know that.
August 20th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
@ holdfast - what an interesting yet common-sounding scenario to be in. I like how you put it - being able to switch from korean to american style when it’s appropriate.
@ jackie - well howdy right back at you and thanks for understanding a good ol boy’s social predicament
November 2nd, 2009 at 11:23 am
Interesting. I would still say Annyunghaseyo in restaurants or something. Sometimes I’d use it as a substitute for ‘excuse me’ because I feel awkward saying ’sillyehabnida’. But I think you’re right that they don’t say hello to strangers often. I kind of agree that this can be considered ‘bad’ or ‘good’ depending on the situation and people you’re dealing with, but on the other hand it does make the ‘annyunghaseyo’ a lot more personal and meaningful than saying it to every bum on the street. Especially since the literal mean is not hello, but more of a ‘how are you doing?’. Hello is usually used when starting a telephone conversation, as in ‘yeoboseyo’ which means ‘hello there’, or ‘is there anyone there?’