KoreanClass101.com Blog

Friendship.

Man I’m getting deep. Friendship is no joke with Koreans.

Actually, that brings up a good point. Take a moment and analyze what the term means to you. Seriously. What is a friend to you? Someone you can tell everything? Someone you can spend time with? Someone you can drink with? Someone you love?

Even the term ‘친구‘ has different connotations in Korean. It involves so much more than just a smile and a commonality. Friendship takes a commitment. Friendship takes regular upkeep. Friendship is hardcore. But first let’s take a look at friendship in an American context.

In the English language, the term “friend” is used quite lightly. I’m meeting some friends for lunch can mean any number of things. You’re a good friend can mean anything from “thanks for being my best man in the wedding” to “thanks for opening the door”. I feel that we use the term “friend” somewhat freely. It can mean a classmate, coworker or even best friend. It’s all encompassing. It also doesn’t have any time-limitations. If you have only known the person for a month and you feel comfortable around them, then he or she can be classified as a friend. There’s no prerequisite for friendship. It trumps social class, age, and any other category.

By the same token, if said friend hits on your girlfriend at a party, you can drop him like an 8 o’clock French lit class. You don’t hate the guy but the friendship is over. Losing a friend can either be completely not a big deal to life-shattering.

Also, we don’t necessary need to keep up our friendships. Since junior high school, I have only keep in regular contact with one friend. Even then, we only hook up a few times a year for drinks. Yet, I consider him a close friend. Sure my situation may not be the standard but it certainly isn’t abnormal. When I run into friends from high school, I usually have a pleasant experience. We meet up, maybe go for a bite to eat, snap a photo, and part ways. No strong emotional connection but certainly a nice experience. It was good running into him.

In the Korean context, a friend is someone you trust. Like, for real. Someone whom you have a history with. As in, elementary school history. This person can generally do no wrong. When they do wrong, they’re still your friend. You feel connected to them. You served in the army together. You think of them often and make a point to let them know that you’re thinking of them. They require upkeep.

One must really take into consideration who they introduce themselves to. There’s a possibility of some real responsibility. Social networking sites like cyworld and facebook help maintain these friendships with regular “just-saying-hi” messages. Failure to leave these messages results in your Friendship meter going down. Oh, haven’t I explained the friendship meter? Well, have you ever played the Sims? Remember that little box at the bottom of the screen? Koreans have this little internal meter.

uh oh. I put 정 on the meter next to friendship.

Alright now stop. Hammer time.

Now, 정 is its own blog entry - and one that I will surely butcher. I have carefully avoided writing about 정 because it’s mad detailed and frankly, above my level of description. Even my roommate has trouble explaining it - in either Korean or English. Just know that it’s on my to-do list so expect an entry about it sometime around the next time Halley’s Comet passes by Earth. In the meantime, KC101 did a fine job of introducing the subject.

But Chinese typewriting aside, this friendship meter must be maintained. It may seem like an obvious statement but Korean friendships need to be maintained. I can speak for myself in that my American friendships need no or little maintenance. I feel free to come and go between friends without any repercussions or hey, why didn’t you call me? situations. Whereas in my Korean circle of friends, I must be conscious of their feelings. When I hang out with one friend, I build up our friendship meter (green). But, if a few weeks go by and I don’t call, text, hang out, or email, our friendship meter goes down (red).

This process occurs in real time with each individual friend.

The trade-off is that American friendships may seem a little wishy-washy and shallow to some Koreans and Korean friendships may seem like to much work to some Americans. In my own personal experience, I find that the Korean friendships are more meaningful and lasting. That isn’t to say that Americans don’t have lasting and meaningful friendships. Perhaps this is why I seek out more things Korean? Perhaps I have more in common with a Korean than a typical American? Perhaps the Sim meter exists in America but in a diminished capacity? I can’t help but recognize my own personal bias.

It’s touchy at best and messy at worst. Alls I can say is that hands down, the Korean idea of friendships is decidedly different.

Thoughts?

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외기러기. Lonely goose fathers.

(part one can be located here)

So we’ve already covered the topic of the students who go overseas but what about the families left behind?

First and foremost, like the first discussion, this topic is quite broad and includes any number of scenarios. Also, the situation differs when the student studies abroad by themselves versus coming over with a family member or two. Having said that, here’s a oft linked piece from the New York Times that introduces the topic nicely. It’s warm and fuzzy.

High temperature fuzziness aside, we typically think of the father left in Korea while the mother and children study abroad (if thinking about school-aged 유학생). These fathers continue to work in Korea while sending money to the rest of the family as they study abroad. It’s also very possible to send the kid away to live with other family members, leaving the mother and father in Korea. Regardless of the age of the student, it’s not exactly what every Korean family member looks forward to. But don’t worry, it’s not like it’s a long-term solution, right?

Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon to see families separated for years at a time. It’s not that there’s a lack of love. Far from it. Think of it as a logical business investment. If the kid has an opportunity to speak English and Korean fluently, then they’ll have a leg up on the competition. Makes sense, right?

Actually, it does. But that’s the perplexing thing of it. I mean, it would be perfectly logical to do plenty of things but that doesn’t mean we actually do them, right? Buying 50 of the same style of shirt makes fiscal sense because you’re likely to get a discount - but would you actually want to wear the same style shirt over and over again? So, in the same vein, even though the kid will be marketable, wouldn’t you rather spend quality time with them? Will they even recognize each other years later? Is it really worth it? Are you providing for their emotional needs as well as their academic needs?

As one can imagine, this lifestyle of working and coming home to an empty house can be quite trying. A detailed look at this movement is right here for your reading pleasure. Oh, I guess I’ll be nice and also throw in a one-two punch: foreigner-perspective and Korean-perspective. I’m nice, aren’t I? Also, here’s a great Korea Herald post about an idiot’s guide to sending your family overseas success story from an everyday man who’s lived the life. Oh, and keep in mind it’s not just the working class that is affected by this phenomenon. 김흥국 was featured in a 2008 English language human interest story (video version).

It’s also vital to view this ideology from a Korean cultural lens. It’s stating the obvious to say that education is a powerful internal motivator for the vast majority of Koreans. It’s easy to dismiss any side of the argument from a foreign perspective (i.e. lazy momma’s boy student can’t hack it overseas and a cold, authoritarian father is just trying to one-up his drinking buddies). Where education and family start and end is a little blurred, though. I understand it but can’t honestly say that I would be able to do it myself. I’d like to tell you that I’d acculturate myself enough to have the strength to send my kid away. Like a temporary sacrifice for the greater good, right?. But, like all things, it’s a choice and it’s not an easy one. But it’s not hard to see one counter argument: what’s the point in making a home for a family that’s never there? Is it serving the family’s needs? Does the kid need this experience in order to be an adult? Even in a situation where the mom and daughter live in Korea while the father and son live in America still has a whole lotta “not good” going on. When it’s all said and done, was it all worth it?

So in summation, it’s complicated and plenty messy. It also has the potential to crank out some culturally and linguistically diverse individuals. It also is a recipe for divorce and enough stress to fill an empty home. It’s a trying period for anyone involved. However, I’d wager that out of the tens of thousands of families affected, many will be richer for the experience. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, right?

Thoughts?

Super Junior are gearing up to release the repackaged version of their third album SORRY, SORRY. It’s being called ‘Version C’ since they know how to suck all your money out of you, and already released two different versions (different covers and booklets, same tracks) of the album back in March. This repackaged version though comes with a new photo concept, as well as four new songs.

One of those songs is 너라고 (It’s You), which will be promoted as their next single, now that SORRY, SORRY (the song, not the album) is ending it’s run. It’s written by E-Tribe, the composer behind the super catchy will-never-get-out-of-your-head Gee, by 소녀시대, as well as pop queen 이효리’s U-Go-Girl.

But fear not, because 너라고 (It’s You) isn’t cute lollipopbubblegum pop like Gee. It’s still pop, but the sort of strong dance beat and style that fits Super Junior really well.

The MV for the song was released yesterday - in two versions, an ‘unfinished’ leaked version and the official version shortly after. I’ll show the leaked version because the official version didn’t do it for me. It had some lame shiny effect on the boys during the dance sections, and I don’t need even one sparkling vampire, let alone a whole boyband of them.

I think we should play a game. For the uninitiated, there’s 13 members of Super Junior. Now pause it during one of the dance segments, when you can see them all, like around 10 seconds in. Now count them. XD

With Kibum’s lack of dance and zero lines, I suppose fans at least know this time that Kibum won’t be joining in the promotion activities. Heechul does make a brief appearance in the dance for his line of the song, so I guess he’ll be pulling the same magically appearing on stage at the end thing he was doing for SORRY, SORRY.

So what do you guys think of the song? I actually really like it, I definitely think its one of Super Junior’s better songs, and it might even have crept up to the level of Favourite for me.

유학하다. Studying Abroad.

(Part one of two)
Where to begin? It’s a detailed subject with more asterisks and mixed emotions than I care to write about. I leave it up to the professionals. What I am curious about is the sheer number of 유학생 and how the number is growing each year. And if you thought that this is a recent trend, think again.

As you can imagine, the culture shock that ensues is pretty much on par with any weapon of mass destruction. I can think of few other cultures more polar opposite than America and Korea.

When the students arrive in their new home, there’s a developmental term that comes to mind: goodness of fit. Think of it. If a student always dreamed of a life of independence, self-reliance, individualism, and not-giving-a-flying-**** about what people think, then America will welcome you will open arms. You’ll be right at home.

However, for others, the life abroad will be too trying - much like a second term of mandatory military service. The isolation, culture shock, confusion, frustration, and shattered expectations will be something that make one miss Mom’s 김치 like never before. Plus, add to the equation English must be spoken pretty much at all times. That’s enough to stress any non-native speaker out. And why aren’t Americans speaking like they do in the textbook??

But like all things, there are exceptions. Some initially find themselves lost and frustrated but eventually find America to be their new home. Others will never fully adjust and will ultimately find a way back to Korea at the soonest possible opportunity. It was just never a good fit for them. Like a bad breakup…It’s not you, it’s me. Sorry America, I’m just not that into you.

Others are torn between obligation and choice. Some students are so pressured to stay in America after studying that they soon find themselves caught between two choices: do the right thing for my career and parents or go back to my home and live the life that I want to live. Not exactly a clear-cut choice to make. Both have life-long ramifications.

After coming back to Korea for a period of time abroad, some find that their “Koreaness” (for lack of a better word) has changed. I guess that’s what five years abroad does to a person. Others dig in in their new home abroad and find that Korea makes for a great vacation spot.

Here’s one possible explanation: (forgive the lack of documentation - this is just based on my own observations)

It’s no secret that young Korean students have a grueling academic schedule. Blame Confucius.

What does this crudely-made graph mean for us? Let’s consider two scenarios:

- - -
A - 현철 - “The Lucky Duck”

현철 was born in Korea and went to school in Korea until the end of fifth grade. Then, he and his family moved to America. He then attended junior and high school in the states and excelled academically. While studying in America, he maintained his Korean language and culture because of his family and local community. But, since he attended public school, he also developed relationships with people of different ethnicities. His Korean background made him rather unique to his friends. His impersonations of his mother are the stuff of comical legends. After high school, with his fluent English language skills, he moved back to Korea to attend a Korean university. He took a break to attend the Korean military and after completion, he finished his degree. He maintained his relationships in America and used them to further his own business, which he he now owns in a suburban city in America. Since he speaks colloquial English and Korean, his business caters to two very different demographics but with similar means of living and purchasing patterns. His business is doing just fine if you ask him.

현철 ended up avoiding the entire Korean 학원 system. He rejoined the Korean education system when things got a bit easier. Not to mention he caught the more relaxed side of each country’s education. But because he studied abroad and could speak English fluently, he was admitted to a decent university. Although his military assignment was a little taxing, he fully acculturated himself into both the American and Korean society. He is free to travel to and from Korea to maintain relationships in both countries.

He’s a lucky duck.

B - 은혜 - “Can’t catch a break”

은혜 was also born in Korea. She completed primary, middle, and high school in Korea. She then traveled to America by herself to attend an American university, but because of her poor English language skills, she had to first enroll in an English language school. After three and half years of formally studying English in America, she graduated from the language only to find out that her family wishes her to stay in America to complete her university degree. Although 은혜 had hoped to return to Korea, she decides to err on the side of prudence and pursues an American undergraduate degree. She spends the next five years hammering out a degree but because of the sometimes difficult academic English, she struggles to maintain respectable grades. She definitely works for her “C”. She graduates and discovers that the Korean economy is in worse shape than the one in America. Oh well. Might as well go for the master’s degree now and hope for things to improve in a few years. She can always get married later, right?

She spends ten years in a foreign country away from her friends, family and life as she knows it. Although she has developed a strong sense of independence that she did not have in Korea, she wonders if live in Korea will be like she even remembers. Not to mention that she attended the more difficult portions of Korean education only to find out that American universities are pretty competitive. Although her English is quite fluent, she lacks some of the more colloquial speech required to catch certain jokes and insults. Although this doesn’t alienate her completely, her accent doesn’t exactly make things easier for her to make American friends. Plus, even if she had time for boyfriends, American guys are kind of out there. Not exactly her type.

She can’t catch a break.

- - -

Granted these scenarios are just that - scenarios - but they’re not entirely far fetched. I would be lying if I said that these aren’t based on personal stories. Besides, the point is that all of their changes took place when they studied abroad.

But studying abroad, as common as it is, involves more than just the students. Regardless of age, these students have parents. And sometimes these parents don’t go abroad with their kids. So, what exactly can we expect their lives to be like?

Check back here next week for part two. Until then…

Thoughts?

The Month of May in Korea is often called Family Month. There’s Children’s Day, Parent’s Day, and Teacher’s Day. Korea takes Mother’s Day to a whole different level! On these days you give your Children, Parents and Teachers gifts to show them how much you appreciate them. Children often benefit the most with candy and money being popular gifts. Teachers get quite a lot of gifts as well as they have many students and parents to receive gifts from. And that’s why the month of May is called Family month in Korea!

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Are you a fan of Epik High? Over at KoME we’re in the final stages of putting together a video shoutout for Epik High and MYK, consisting of videos, pictures, and messages from fans. You can participate in English, or in your native language. If you’re interested in taking part, you can check out the project here. Submission deadlines are May 10th but if you really want to take part but need a few extra days then just email me and I’ll wait for you.

So, YG Entertainment have a new group. Marketed as the ‘female Big Bang’, 2NE1 first appeared not too long ago, promoting one of the new LG cellphones. The promotion campaign involved the catchy song Lollipop, which they performed with Big Bang, and an accompanying MV. Although I quite liked the outfits, as eye-meltingly bright as they were, Sandara’s outfit and palm-tree hair pretty much ruined the whole look for me.

Fast forward several weeks to the beginning of May, where a new look for 2NE1 was revealed, as well as 10 second teasers for their proper debut song Fire. Each day another 10 seconds of the song was released, until yesterday when the whole thing was made available and MVs released. Yes, MVs. They made a Space Version and a Street Version. Written by Teddy, of 1TYM fame, I was expecting a pretty awesome song. I wasn’t alone with this expectation, though others had their hopes up for a variety of reasons - it’s YG, it’s the female Big Bang, etc. YG helped get hopes up higher by promising that 2NE1 would be like nothing we had ever seen before. There were promises of fresh, new, awesomeness from CL, Dara, Bom and Minzy.

So, did they deliver?

Street Version:

Space Version:

What do you think?

I personally think no. The potential is there, but so is that freaking palm-tree hair. CL (the chick on the bike in the space version) doesn’t seem to know if she’s G-Dragon, T.O.P or herself - it feels like YG has decided “alright, you’re the jailbait, you’re the sexy bunny girl, you get the palmtree hair, and you’re the GD/TOP clone”. I personally would rather see the girls displaying an image that is their own, and I don’t feel they are. Yet. I’ll keep my eye on them, but I’m really not digging them as much as I was hoping that I would. They have a mini-album coming out later this year, so maybe that will deliver what the single doesn’t quite manage. To me, they just don’t quite manage to stand out.

Children’s Day. May 5.

Again with the Love Day reference, this holiday is dedicated to the cute little monsters that plague the countryside and cities. It was founded by the Korea’s answer to Dr. Seuss back in 1923. Its fascination by well-written foreigners knows no limits. Pack up the aspirin because it’s going to be a long day…

Thought Korean kids were spoiled? Today you are so right. Today, Korean children are calling the shots. Highways packed, zoos overcrowded, ice cream screaming for its life…poor little vanilla never had a chance…there will be sweets consumed today. Oh yes. There will be sweets.

Speaking of spoiled, it might benefit everyone to take a moment and analyze why exactly this is the case. I mean, by some Westerner’s standards, Korean kids are little princes and princesses. We have a maxim in English that comes to mind; “Spare the rod, spoil the child”. Well, plenty of Americans think that this is crap and it basically sets the kid up for failure in the future. I can speak for my family in that my parents did like many others by not giving into a child’s demands. But can I just say that I have been asking for a trampoline for Christmas since I was like four? Lousy Santa has been holding out on me…

Anyways, this cultural difference begs to have another idiom throw around “Can’t see the forest for the trees”. The problem lies in the timing. Korean parents know what they are doing, just as in America, but it’s done a little bit later in life.

In America, we stress at a very early age to be self-reliant. If a five year old can’t tie their own shoes, most would agree that it is better to teach the child as soon as possible instead of just tying it for them. This transition period where the kid can’t figure out why on earth his shoes aren’t already tied (he did say ‘please’ ) is very common in America. It takes a bit more time to teach instead of simply doing, sure. It is stressful for the child and adult but ultimately follows a normative cultural expectation. Remember “Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll feed himself for a lifetime.” It is in the child’s best interest to learn as soon as possible. Similarly, when a kid acts up in the grocery store, American parents are generally quick to reprimand the child with negative reinforcement in hopes that in the future they will become socialized. I myself once received some negative reinforcement in the form of my mother walking away in disgust whilst leaving my father holding me in his arms crying bloody murder, my big brother eating a box of not-yet-purchased saltine crackers in the shopping basket, and my oldest brother shrieking in terror over the little cartoon devil on the Deviled Ham package. Oh good times at the Piggly Wiggly.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Well, this is the same in Korea (socialization, not deviled ham). The ultimate goal is to socialize the child. However, until a child in Korea reaches a certain age, they can get away with (relative) murder. Why?

Simply put, their little lives will suck later on in life. Korean adults know this. They know the pressure, they know the concern, they know the shock that will ensue once they hit junior high. So what is a caring parent to do? Let the kids enjoy their childhood. When viewed through a different set of cultural lens, this makes perfect sense.

So, the timing is a little different - American kids get socialized pretty early on while Korean kids get a free pass until primary school. But make no mistake, Korea has social etiquette down to a science and, frankly, puts America to shame in the formal manners department. This isn’t to say that Americans are inherently rude, but it’s a little unfair to battle hundreds of years of detailed, refined social hierarchy. Oh well. We invented the chocolate chip cookie. Live with that, world.

So days like Children’s Day are to celebrate children and allow them to enjoy pleasant memories with family relatives. Yes, a day for children to run free, play games, and just be kids. Just don’t forget the aspirin.

Thoughts?